Before I started keto, I knew I needed to make a change. I wasnāt dumb and I could see in a mirror. I hated how I looked and how I felt. Overall, I hated myself for what I considered to be a lack of willpower. But, hereās the thing – it wasnāt losing the weight or having great blood work that made me change my perspective of myself. It was when I realized I needed to learn self-acceptance. I learned that you need to love yourself first, and then you can work on the changes you want to make.
What is Self Acceptance?
Psych Central has an article on the importance of self-acceptance. Although self-esteem is a part of it, self-acceptance is different. It means embracing all your strengths and weaknesses. Itās saying, āHere I am, take me or leave me.ā If you like me, great. If you donāt, thatās okay too. It sounds easy, but itās anything but.
What does self-acceptance have to do with keto? Everything. If you think you arenāt worth the effort to make the changes needed to do keto, you will fail. I tried numerous fad diets, I tried going to nutritionists, I even tried fasting. Every time I went back to eating junk, I beat myself up for it, and Iād feel like a failure. The key piece I was missing was self-acceptance. You have to be in a place of loving yourself before you can make real change.
Learn Self-Acceptance Internally
The first step in self-acceptance is self-forgiveness. Look, weāve all done things we arenāt proud of. I can think of numerous things I havenāt been proud of this week! Self-forgiveness doesnāt mean that you accept the behaviour as okay. It means that you accept what you did, take responsibility, and move on. Moving on can be difficult. I still have moments when I canāt sleep and I think of something I did that hurt someone 20 years ago. Weāre human, we make mistakes. Learn from them and keep going.
The next step is self-compassion. I have so many moments when I feel Iām not enough. Iām not a good enough mom, wife, daughter, support worker, writerā¦shall I go on? Is that how you would talk to a friend? Jeez, you said that? You suck. No – at least not if youāre a good friend. Youād put the situation into perspective and reassure them that you are enough. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, it wasnāt just about the fat I saw. It was about my failures as a woman. Thatās pretty intense, and until I learned self-acceptance, it was never going to change.
Then there is the inner critic. That little demon is persistent, and always has just enough truth in what he says to you to make you doubt yourself. Yes, my inner critic is a male. Yours can be whatever you want. Sometimes itās helpful if you name him. If your thoughts lead you to a place of motivation and change, thatās great. If the inner critic just makes you put yourself down, ignore him and know that you are better than that!
Learn Self-Acceptance from Others
Talk to people whom you love and who love you for who you are. If youāre struggling, tell them and nine times out of ten, they will tell you all the wonderful things about you. With weight issues, this can be tricky. Some people say they worry about your weight because it affects your health and you need to diet for your own good. Leave these people behind you. You are beautiful just as you are. Are there better choices? Sure. Iāve lost 65 pounds and I still could make better choices. So could they – I guarantee it.
Celebrating The Good and Leaving the Bad
Celebrate your strengths. I sometimes get down on myself at work. To counteract that, I started writing down good things that happen at work. If someone gives me a card, or tells me I helped them with something, I write it on a slip of paper and put it in a container. When Iām feeling really down, I open up that container and see all the wonderful things Iāve accomplished there.
It can be hard to move on from unfulfilled dreams, and it can bring us down and make us feel like failures. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a teacher. I graduated from university and applied for the Bachelor of Education, but I didnāt get in. Well, this was devastating to me and it haunted me for a long time. I had to grieve the loss of that dream and move on to a new goal. It takes time, but itās an important part of who I am now.
A Final Thought about How to Learn Self-Acceptance
The article points out that self-acceptance isnāt settling. Keep working to better yourself. But in the meantime, love who you are and how you came to be. Maybe itās because Iām now 50 but Iām at a place where I know who I am and Iām okay with it. I have anxiety, I take time to process emotions, and I am committed to keto because it makes me feel healthy. Certainly, Iām not everyoneās cup of tea, and thatās okay. Maybe they arenāt mine either.
Wendy